it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
