So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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