i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
