I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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