Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
