I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
