I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
