Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
