jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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