Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
