UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
