is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
