you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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