Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
