Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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