I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
How does one acquire holy water?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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