I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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