Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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