That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
