well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
