Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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