is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
