if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
