it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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