I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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