WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
