He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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