Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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