I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
