He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
