Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
