some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
