Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
