Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
