Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Someone signed my nipple.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
