Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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