would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
