apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
