Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
