3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
