He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
