remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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