do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
