I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
