I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
