I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
