I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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