i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
