a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
