i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
