imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
