That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
