so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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